Move your ass. — A New York Moment
Dear Everyone with a Penis,
I appreciate acts of Gentlemen behavior as much as the next gal. When you open the door for me I smile and say thank you. When you offer me your seat on the subway, I may decline but I'm always flattered that you asked. It's the 1940's girl in me, I can't help it but I'm old fashioned in some ways, albeit mostly the way I like the women, curvy and wearing red lipstick, but in other more basic ways too. However, I am here to ask of all of you a favor, perhaps I am the only woman that may feel this way but I suppose the others will have to suffer for the good of my sanity. The favor is this: when you are in a crowded elevator in descent, upon arriving to the ground level wherein all occupants of the elevator will proceed to evacuate, please, for the love of god, just get the fuck out of the elevator and save the chivalry for times that are less inconvenient to everyone around you. Maybe it's a New York thing but you men here tend to step aside and let the ladies off first. I know it's well intentioned but really, look at the situation from a logical standpoint. There's an elevator with 9 people inside, both male and female, the females are scattered about, some in the back, some on the sides, some in front. This means that when the elevator stops, no matter what the sex, the people in front should get out first, yes? Apparently not. The men, aware of the locations of the females, step aside so that the females may pass and exit first. This makes no sense when you're in a crowded box! It makes for awkward shimmying and squeezing past people, and if I insist that the man go first what do I get? A minute long, "No really, please you first" debate, back and forth, back and forth, until it's a Monty Python sketch.
My descent this morning took all elevator politeness to a ridiculous new level. I was in the elevator with six men, me being the only female. Among those men were two delivery men, one holding a tray of breakfast goods, one holding four boxes of Fed Ex that appeared to be such a weight to promote strain and struggle. Since my floor is at the top, I was the first one on the elevator, naturally placing me in the back. When we reached the first floor all of these men started stepping aside to let me off first, even the man struggling with the boxes. At one point one of the men in his effort to step aside bumped into the man with the tray, almost sending it crashing to the floor. At such point I could no longer help myself, out of my mouth tumbled an exasperated, "Oh my god, really people, does this make any sense? Just get the fuck out of the elevator!" I know, I know, I'm so unappreciative. But seriously, stop it. Just move your ass and get the fuck out. My womanly loins will think no less of your selfish act of immediate departure.
To quote Overheardinnewyork.com, having a vagina is not a disability.
Doll hates Monty Python because it has three y's.
Doll hates Monty Python because they all moved over in the elevator spilling the tray of cruchy frog
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