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In the land of the sweaty, the dry lady is Queen.   —   A New York Moment

Having a particularly sensitive sense of smell, as I do, summers in New York are a small kind of torture for me and as the hot days flow into hot nights flow into hot days, I'm left feeling like good ol NYC is just some kind of massive human sewage stew. Boarding the subway my nose does an instant crinkle and my face, I'm sure, resembles that of someone who just sniffed a pile of dog shit. This metal box full of sweating people smells like a combination of rank vagina, oniony armpit odor, and raw sewage. The air is thick with these smells, heavy and iron-hot, soup-like. Yesterday on my way home from work, as I stepped onto the G train I was hit so hard with so many disgusting odors that my face did the crinkly dog shit stink look, my arm flew to my nose, I let out a "Oh my god", and my gag reflex made me do the 'I might throw up' head jerk. People looked up at me from their sedate stares as though the smell of the air had already conquered them, that they were just letting it win and didn't see why I couldn't as well. Since there was still some time before the train was to close its doors and leave the station, I went into the next car over, and then the next car over, and then the next car over. Finally I found the least offensive smelling car but still the odors were pretty disgusting. I found a spot and stood there, reading my McCammon book, trying desperately not to notice the mounds of sweating flesh just inches from my personal space, desperately and physically pushing the putrid air out of my nostrils and trying not to moan out loud. When my stop finally came I rushed out of the station and actually jogged home. My neighbor, who was on his way to the grocery store, saw me wearing all black and jogging. He shouted in his thick nasal Brooklyn accent, "have you lost your mind?", I replied, "most likely" and kept going until I got home.

I know that it's not people's fault that they smell gross when it's 100 degrees outside. I know that just because I'm some freak of a girl that rarely sweats and even more rarely smells all odory, that I shouldn't look poorly upon others that do. I know it's not a reflection of their bathing habits and doesn't mean that they have cooties. Just because I have the nose of a blood hound and can tell what you had for lunch while you open your mouth to speak, doesn't mean I should use that weird ability to pass judgments on why you smell like a thousand year old gym sock, but sometimes I just can't help myself and my mind races with evil thoughts of all the disgusting people that surround me. I know I'm going to hell, you don't have to tell me, I'm hoping at least that it will smell like barbecue and not like your nasty ass sweat.

Posted 8.2.2006 1:46:43 PM

Mr. Space wrote:
The news is saying a sewage main broke in the G train as well. So now it's shit, piss, and onion sweat. Why can't a perfume truck jackknife on the BQE once in a while?
Posted 8/3/2006 9:36:11 AM
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