Snapshot!
Previously...
Back in Gotham.   —   Personal

I'm back in the big apple but playing a bit of blind deaf and dumb to my social life. Right now I'm just enjoying my husband and my felines and using all of my non-work moments to spend with them. So, if you haven't heard from me since I've been home don't take it personal, I'm just kind of hollowing out my time right now and enjoying the extra leg room. I suppose I owe a few words of my travels to you and although I've started a post that journals my 8 days in Michigan, today I thought I'd write a shorter post. A post about clarity. I know it's Monday and you'd probably rather read something to make you laugh but that's just not in the cards today so you get this instead.

My trip to Michigan was wonderful. I've been back in NY for a little over a week now but I'm still trying to find some kind of balance between Michigan me and NY me. Being in Michigan hit me with tidal waves of nostalgia. Some of it was surface stuff, visuals & scents, but those things led the way to a deeper memory, to a reminder even. I kind of found myself again, as horribly cheesy as that sounds, and I was so overcome with a sense of self, a sense of peace, that I truly did not want to leave. The fresh air, the big sky, the silence, and the absolute darkness, it really woke me up out of my big-city haze and I remembered, for what seems like only the briefest moment now, what it's like to feel so small in the vastness of time and space. That feeling is so comforting. Feeling small but connected. There's nothing else that gives me that kind of focus, that pulls me down and grounds me deep into the soil, gets me out of my own head and makes me humble and quiet, open to knowledge and growth. Man, I miss that. Living in the city surrounded by so many people and so much concrete, it can really sweep a person up and make them forget some of the most essential yet simple aspects of living. And when I say living, I don't mean surviving or existing, when I say living I mean a grander sense of life, you know. The science of it, the mechanics of it, the cause and effect of it. And the seemingly limitless possibilities to expand our body, mind, and soul into infinite levels of awareness. I just don't get that here in NY and it was never more apparent than while I was on vacation, it just came to me, I wasn't even looking for it. It's like being at the bottom of the ocean and you're swimming up up up toward the surface and the light but it seems like you've been swimming forever and surely you can't hold your breath for too much longer and maybe you'll just never get to the top maybe you were meant to be down here just swimming and swimming and your lungs are going to explode yet you keep swimming up up up and then, finally, you break through the surface and you inhale the deepest breath you've ever taken and the sun and the sky are more welcoming than they've ever been and that air on your face, there's never been air like that before, and you remember, even for the briefest moment, I'm alive. This is what it feels like to breathe.

Posted 10.2.2006 11:28:15 AM





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