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Balancing on the sill.   —   Personal

Portland preparation plans are fast underway and already most all of my weekends for April and May are accounted for. Things seem to be happening very quickly which is simultaneously both relieving and terrifying. I'm trying to relish it all as this is a time to savor, the last bit in what was the most defining period of my adult life. And yet I find that I'm so intensely focused on the future, on our soon to be beginnings, that I know I'm not appreciating the aspects of my life in NY that I will undoubtedly miss once in Portland. I suppose the reason for that is because I've already lost that appreciation, it's been long since dead and buried under the weight of confinement. The trick is to resurrect them, if I can, and to treat them like the old friends that they are, in all of their familiarity and affection. It's an interesting time in my life and I know that the way I treat the upcoming months and the actual execution of the move will surely define their degrees of ease and success. It will be a true test of patience and control. I hope I'm up to the challenge.

The read of "Rebecca" is going quite slow and I'm rather surprised at my lack of interest in the book, especially since I started it with great enthusiasm and curiosity. The problem is that I never look forward to the actual reading of the book and yet every morning when I begrudgingly read it on the subway I always thoroughly enjoy the read and regret having to put it down once I arrive to the office. It's beautifully written and the story itself moves at a nice pace but I guess there's something about it that I rather dislike. I could probably place the blame on the main character Mrs. de Winter. She's a dull and timid creature who is so thoroughly absorbed in pleasing her husband that she has no room left for any interests of her own. Being a young new bride to a rather rich older man she has difficulty adapting to her new life at Manderley. She's afraid of the servants and of the house and quite often just doesn't know what to do with herself. She lives there like a stranger, in shadow, in silence, and in fear. It makes for a very dislikable character, one who has no redeeming qualities and one who cannot garner any amount of sympathy from the reader. I'm only halfway through the book though so there's is plenty of time for improvement. If I can only halt my obsession with "Friends" long enough to invest some real time into finishing this book. I should hope to do so soon.

Posted 2.20.2007 2:20:33 PM

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