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And then there was blood.   —   Holidays

One of the things I miss about living in NY are the apartment parties. Mostly they were randomly placed throughout the year, motivated by boredom or by the increasing scarcity in which we all saw one another. But it was the themed parties and the holiday parties that were the most fun. Many of us took turns at having a Christmas party, or a New Years Eve party, or a Super Bowl party, there were also Valentines Day parties, Halloween costume parties, birthday parties, and parties revolving solely around LSD, which were always interesting. And every year our friend would host TITC (Thanksgiving in the City), the weekend before actual Thanksgiving. About seven years ago I started my own little party tradition. Every Halloween I would subject 6-8 of my closest friends to one of my favorite pastimes, watching horror movies. I would decorate the apartment in cobwebs and creatures, buy boatloads of candy and junk food, put together goody bags of treats and silly prizes, and chose three bizarre horror movies that hopefully no one had ever seen before. Since the object was to actually watch the movies, the number of people invited could not outnumber the amount of seating. Except for one year.

That year Adam encouraged me to make it more of a "party" atmosphere and so we invited absolutely everyone and the movies more played in the background than were the feature. That was the night I downed about 8 shots of tequila and then cracked the toilet tank during one of my violent outbursts of drunken puking rage. Good times! That hangover was so severe I was out cold for about 24 hours and unfortunately missed the costume party happening the night after my little shindig because I was still so sick. Instead, while my friends were dressing up and having fun in Queens, I was on the couch eating saltine crackers and watching Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments on TV, that was fun. That was also the night that one of the spookiest things that's ever happened to me, um, happened.

I was sitting there watching the show and just as they were showing the #3 top scariest movie moment, which was a scene from Exorcist, the TV turned off. I shit you not. I was terrified. I just sat there, frozen, trying to discern what had just happened, searching for logic in my hungover fuzzy scared brain. My heart started racing and I thought about all of those horror movies I'd seen wherein the dumb girl investigates the crazy shit that's going on around her instead of just getting the fuck out. But then I realized that I don't believe in any of that nonsense and finally shook myself from my terror, went to the TV, looked behind it and saw the power strip light was off. I don't know why it shut off on its own, during a scene from Exorcist, but that's what happened. Incidentally the second spookiest thing that ever happened to me was one night when Adam was in Portland apartment hunting for us, I was in our NY apartment alone and watching the Wizard of Oz. About half way into the movie I turned the movie and TV off to go to bed. Sometime in the middle of the night I wake up and see a glow coming from the living room. The TV was on and the movie was playing. Again, terror stricken, heart racing, all of that and when I finally decide to investigate (ahhh!) I grabbed the knife I sleep with under my side of the mattress and like a fucking ninja snuck up on ... Commodore! Laying on the remote controls I'd lazily left on the couch cushions. He was almost flayed right then and there.

Now that we're in Portland my Halloween Horror Movie parties are sadly less crowded. This year Carl and Natalya joined us for murder and mayhem, and Ted and Ilsa made a brief special guest-star appearance. Let's review.

The night before Halloween we mutilated some pumpkins! Here is Natalya, Carl, and Adam, stabbing and gouging while C.H.U.D plays in the background.

Here are the finished masterpieces! Terrifying!

And now we come to Halloween. Here is the second movie of the night, a French film called Inside. A truly disturbing film. Here we have Sarah all pregnant and bloody in her bathroom, where she's barricaded herself in from the crazy lady trying to steal her unborn baby! Look, a rat!

I don't think Natalya, I mean, Madonna, is buying Sarah's distress. By the way that's Carl in the background eating a Red Vine. He's supposed to be, Frankenstein? A patchwork doll? I'm not sure. Look, a Commodore!

Adam dressed up as a Republican. It was really horrifying. He wore a suit and tie and a McCain button and solicited his imaginary right-wing political views all night. I almost divorced him.

I was dressed up as a 1950's (ish) housewife. Adam kept calling me "little woman" all night and ordering me to cook his food. Yeah, he's a funny guy. Realllll funny.

Posted 11.9.2008 2:06:18 PM

Dad wrote:
So you still keep the dagger between the mattresses, that's my girl.
Posted 11/9/2008 5:09:22 PM
Botch the Traditional Husband wrote:
What are you doing blogging? You should be in the kitchen baking pies!
Posted 11/10/2008 11:46:04 AM - Botch the Traditional Husband's website
I like Pie! wrote:
Mmmmm. Pie.
Posted 11/10/2008 7:35:52 PM
N@ wrote:
That was fun. We should do it allllll over again.
Posted 11/10/2008 7:37:16 PM
VBOT wrote:
i love how you casually mention that you sleep with a knife under your mattress.
Posted 11/10/2008 7:52:20 PM
Starr wrote:
Ok now that is really bad H. I also sleep with a knife in between my mattress! My husband is so scared that I will bust it ok on him when he comes into bed in the middle of the night. I guess it must be where we grew up at.. I know it was such a scary town huh!
Posted 11/12/2008 12:51:28 PM
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