Putting the FUN in funeral. — Personal
I generally lead a pretty easy-going life. I don't deal with stress well so I've fashioned my world to be as stress-free as possible. I don't have kids, I married my best friend, I traded my office job for retail management, and I try not to live beyond my means. Shoddy nerves actually runs in the family so whenever I'm feeling any stress what happens in my brain is kind of like when you hear a tape recording going on fast forward, all speedy and high pitched and incomprehensible. My heart races, my flesh feels tight with the pressure of the pulsing blood beneath it, and my head gets close to exploding. This is one of the reasons I didn't do well in school and the main reason I didn't pursue college, because this feeling is one of insanity and in response to it I tend to just, turn off and hide under the covers.
So, buying a house, it's fun! No one ever told me it would be this fun and I'm glad they didn't because the surprise of it all is SUPER fuN! It has been exactly eight days since we found the house and these last eight days have seemed like eighteen. Every single day I talk to my broker about three times. Sometimes more. Planning and scheduling inspections and repairs and doing paperwork and getting signatures and applying for the loan and talking to the bank over and over and over again... working within time constraints, trying to get processes expedited, planning for extensions, estimating home repairs, going to our broker who then goes to the seller's broker who then goes to the seller who gets back to their broker who then talks to our broker who then gets back to us, this is how it all works each day every day. And it's only been EIGHT DAYS. We don't close until October 31st. And this is only the beginning. The start of it all! Once (if) we get the house we'll have another laundry list of shit to wade through, painting and carpeting and tiling and fixing and all of those unforeseen exciting unpredictable and no doubt expensive things. And the debt, OH the debt. Adam and I have generally been debt free give or take a few thousand dollars here and there but now ... NOW ... the number is so big it doesn't even seem like a real number. But hey, I'm not complaining, (ok, I might be a little) because this is something that I WANT to happen, something that I jumped into feet first and now I'm slogging along trying to get to the prize, which is a huge and awesome house that once fixed up just a little will be sturdy and gorgeous.
And I'm sure that I wouldn't even mind all of leg work so much if it was the only thing right now on my list of unpleasantness but it's not and so unfortunately it feels a little, much. The added stress component right now is my ten year old cat, Commodore, who has been ill with somewhat of a mysterious ailment for what has been almost a year. He's lost most of his extra weight and is down to a sleek and I'm sure aerodynamic skeletal version of himself, and while most of his behaviors and habits have remained unchanged, there is something amiss with his ... well, shit. It's different than it's ever been and our youngest cat, Tsunami, knows it. He's stepped into the role of the schoolyard bully and often times chases Commodore under the bed while puffed and hissing and attacking. Commodore is of course not thrilled with this new development and tends to spend these periods of aggression in hiding. And then there are the times when he shits on the carpet in the bedroom. It's all great fun here in catville and combined with House shenanigans it is at times causing me to drink half a bottle of wine and therefore counteracting my weight loss goals, which, um, adds more stress.
I am also desperately trying to not allow this stuff to affect my mood. If I get on a grumpy streak it's hard for me to break out of it and then I'll have another added stress to the equation and that's the worst one of all, an unhappy husband.
So in the words of Baby, I'll just keep my shoulders down, my head up, my frame locked, and stay on my toes, and try to remind myself that life is good, if only I can remember to just breathe.
Mr. Space wrote:
I was walking around Home Depot today, thinking of you guys. I don't know if it helps to make lists to prioritize, but give it a try. It'll all be worth it in the end and it will be YOURS.
A house is not a home until you are in it, and then the home becomes your personality. I know you have big plans so enjoy the ride my darling. I can't wait to see it, you have your mother's flair for decoration, I know it will be beautiful once you get your hands on it.
It will all work out. Since you've streamlined your stress as much as possible it makes it worse when large, unexpected stresses come your way. There are some good de-stress routines I try to remember to practice during the school year that I'm sure would work into your routine, if you're interested. It's all about managing it as best as you can - it will make you stronger, and does not involve wine. Not that that should matter, half a bottle is nothin'. If you lose any more weight you will disappear.
I thought Commodore and Tsunami had stopped doing that. Do you still not want to take him into the vet? Give them a stool sample, see if that helps them diagnose? I know it's scary, but it could be something simple.
N@ - The aggression between the two has recently started up again the last few days. I took a stool sample in to the vet back in August and it was negative for whatever they tested it for, parasites I think. I'm so tired of putting vet bills on my CC, this is the reason why I haven't taken Commodore back to the vet. But with this next paycheck I think I'll take him in for an exam only, since he has new (shit) symptoms since his last visit. And he tried to poop in the bedroom again today but I caught him in time and took him to the litter where he went. I am honestly getting so tired of cat issues.
I can only imagine the weight of what you guys are currently shouldering, but remember these two things:
1. You and Adam have friends here who are willing to help. (I will gladly help you guys pull linoleum, sand, paint, stain, lay tile, crawl in the attic, pound nails, etc... I will bleed all over your house!)
2. Your stress is only as significant as you allow it to be. Just pretend it's fun. Focus on how incredibly awesome it is.
And try not to think about the undead toddler inhabiting your future home :)
Thanks, Carl. And I totally look forward to you bleeding all over my house. But please never mention the undead toddler ever again. It will haunt my dreams for months and months. In fact, I may just take you up on the offer to crawl around in the attic if only to make sure there are no baby remains tucked away in the insulation.
Carl and I did a lot of the repair/remodeling work on my mom's house in order to put it on the market. We have "experience". And it can be fun. We will do/not do whatever you tell us to. Including finding you an exorcist. lol
I'm so jealous of you and excited for you. I am so sick of living stuck wall to wall with people I can't stand. I hope that it is and becomes all you want it to be and someday I get to help put a dent in the couch there. Miss you more than you could know and way more than I show