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BFFless   —   The Social Experience

I have never had very many girlfriends.

I had some close girlfriends in high school but for various reasons they were slowly rotated out of my life. My childhood girlfriend, Starr, became a cheerleader and started hanging with that crowd predominately. I became best friends with Terra after that and we remained very close for many years until she got pregnant in high school. I had two relatively close girlfriends, Tia and Sara, but they always played the third and fourth act and I rarely saw them independently. I saw Sarah less and less when she got a boyfriend and they became attached at the hip. Tia was dedicated to schoolwork and eventually started hanging out with people who had the same goals as she did. But I had my best friend Anna so none of it really mattered; she was my sister, my soul mate, my best friend forever. For a long time it was just her and I with a rotating third girlfriend we would throw in mostly for our amusement. We were a little cruel at times and completely selfish and aside from being together not much else mattered in our lives.

We remained friends for years and even after high school when she moved to NYC to pursue acting and I moved around the country to pursue my every whim we stayed close through phone calls and letters, care packages and visits. After a few years of being apart she finally convinced me to move to NYC where we were roommates and once again became practically inseparable. It was mostly good times but slowly we turned distant after I moved in with my boyfriend. She felt as though I had abandoned her and withdrew from me, and then I felt like she abandoned me because she was suddenly never around anymore.

So after a few years of boyfriends and jealousy she moved to DC to live with her sister and go to school. Our relationship couldn’t handle another big separation and after a few years of trying to make it work with weekend visits things just eventually fell to pieces. I was devastated, she had been my family, the only woman who ever truly understood me, and the emptiness that I felt after that, you could have driven a truck through.

Now, I have a few girlfriends again and while I think they’re divine I rarely feel That Connection. We are all very different in style and in personality and while that works in a fun way for the most part, sometimes it feels alien. I've always had a lot of male friends, even male pets, as it seems I just get along better with them. They are generally less insane and complicated than women and they try my patience less. So with my multitude of guy friends and the few woman friends that I have right now I haven't much missed the extra bond of a sister-like friend until now. And I blame it all on Sex and the City.

I was never a Sex and the City fan because I didn't have HBO. But eventually the call of Six Feet Under was too great for us and we eventually signed up for HBO and discovered they had a little thing called Video On Demand. VOD allows you to go to certain cable channels like HBO or Showtime etc. and view a list of movies and specials and original series that you can then stream to your TV and watch for free! So one evening, enjoying the luxury of VOD I was perusing their catalog and found an old episode of Sex and the City. I watched it, loved it, and since then I just can't get enough of it. But now every time an episode ends I feel as though my life is lacking something essential; a small exclusive circle of close women friends who care so deeply about one another that they would and do go to extreme measures for each other in a heartbeat. And not career nor men nor petty arguments stand in the way of their devotion to each other.

The last episode I watched Carrie Bradshaw was talking to "the Russian" and explained to him how she felt about Samantha, who had just discovered she had breast cancer. She said, "Samantha means the world to me, she's my family, she's my insides, and so you see, she has to be okay, because she's too important to me not to be."

It makes me so sad that I no longer have a girlfriend like that, and I just hope that one day I will find that one woman, or group of women, who are my insides, again.

Posted 1.24.2004

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