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Don't eat my brain, it's poisonous.   —   Health

I've had a headache for about 150 hours. This counts sleep time too because as soon as I open my eyes it's there to greet me with its hammer. I've had nausea for about half of those 150 hours. My jaw hurts. My stomach revolts. My throat is scratchy and aches. I feel disoriented and unbalanced and confused. I can't concentrate. I went to the doctor today and as I was explaining my ailments he looked at me with a puzzled face and listened. When I was finished I felt raw and desperate. I was waiting for his wisdom, for the answer I've been waiting for, but he just rubbed his chin and said, "Are you a headache person?" I started to cry and I told him no, I wasn't a “headache person”. I squeaked out in rambling words how I know something is wrong with me, I needed his help to figure out what, it's not just a headache, I'm sick, this is not normal ... he nodded his head and said he had to take a look at my chart and he'd be right back. He came back 10 minutes later and said he wanted me to get a head scan. I started to cry again because I knew he didn't know what to tell me and instead was going to throw tests at me in hopes that one would stick. I mentioned that I'd recently had a filling removed and replaced and I thought it made sense that it could be a slight case of Mercury poisoning. He shook his head and said no, no, no. He couldn't tell me why though. I asked if I could get a blood test done anyways and he stalled and sputtered until I pushed it again. The rest of my day was spent running around the city to different labs getting blood drawn and my brain scanned. And then I came back to work, piano on my head, and proceeded to work for the next three hours. My head is splitting and I think my eyes are halfway out of my skull. I think tomorrow I'll take another sick day.

No one knows anything, ever.

Posted 6.24.2004

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